A tropical cyclone. 34 Degrees Heat and 79% Humidity. Preparation work. Jungle trek. Blindfolds. Hopes for future positive impact. Constant reality checks. Small explosions of feelings and “What the hell” moments every day. Logic, not as as I know it. Need for rewriting my own paradigm. Conversations and feedbacks. All of this mixed up with a very uncertain feeling about the future, was Alpha. The first Instructor Immersion Course for the OBV trainees finished yesterday. The screaming feeling in the gut was changed with the one of relief. And now another chapter – developing a new 6 months Training Program is waiting. Exciting and scary. Screaming can begin again. Are we ready for a kick off?
The last few weeks have been a whirlpool of places, travel, schools, course experiences, tightened up nerves. A constant alertness of what’s happening next on the road. 2000 km of travel in Central and South of Vietnam in 10 days showed me how diverse the country is and brought hunger for more exploration. The globalized center of Vietnam Saigon, the cool small brother Vung Tau, the unique and bicycle friendly Hoi An, the super touristy beach queen Da Nang. Diversity of attitudes, feelings, way of life, scenery. One thing is the same – the vibration of never stopping Vietnamese busy-ness. And in the same time in all of these vibrations for me the feeling of loneliness is a lot of times there. My world here is much more silent, I am hearing my own thoughts a lot more than before, as sometimes there is just no one to share them with. I’m asking myself – are we all just wandering souls in this never stopping busy-ness?
Meanwhile in all of this moving, changing and exploding world I’m making attempts to put my sh*t together. To learn to actually take care of myself (!). The physical, emotional, social and spiritual. It is damn hard, especially when you are used to a lifestyle where everything changes constantly. I am running away from building a routine like I would be running from witches in the 16th century. So far had a success in doing something physical every day – 7 km or run, yoga every morning and sometimes in the evening. A commix drawing in my diary every day (not sharing this one though..). And trying to make steps for actually building a plan about future and not running away.